Give Online Dating Friends the Brush Off Without a Fuss
November 22, 2009
Obviously with online dating, much as in real life, the friendship moves through various stages. Different stages can require different ways of saying, or sending, the dreaded “It’s not you, it’s me”.
New friends are probably the easiest to brush off. If you have only been chatting a few times and haven’t gotten to the stage of exchanging personal details, there are a couple of ways to go. There are two extremely popular ways of giving your online dating friend the brush off at this stage. Personally I think both of them are a bit cowardly. The first is to just stop answering your friend’s emails. They usually get the hint and stop messaging you. The other is to constantly think up new excuses as to why you shouldn’t move to the next stage.
Why not just be a little honest? Why not say something like “It’s been great chatting but I don’t think there is any point in continuing”. Making up excuses can just leave the other person hanging on and continuing to message you till they get the hint. (Some people are slower than others.)
Online dating friends that you have exchanged details with or even dated a few times can be a bit more tricky. If you have met up on a date then you should tell them you are no longer keen. Ignoring phone calls, texts and emails is the coward’s way out. Give the person a call and tell them that you don’t think it is going to go anywhere. There is no need to be rude. If you have actually met up in person then dumping them by text or email is rude. You can either call them and tell them, or wait for them to contact you and then decline the date, explaining there won’t be any more dates.
Are You Being Given The Brush Off?
These statements and behaviours are virtual guarantees that they are no longer interested:
Unanswered messages and phone calls.
Your phone calls always go straight through to voice mail or message bank.
“We need to talk”.
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
“We just aren’t in the same place right now.”
“I’m too busy for a relationship right now.”
Ultimately, the most effective and the most polite way of giving your online dating friend the brush off is to use a little tact and honesty. Too much tact, though, and they may not get the hint. Try to be honest in a constructive way. The easiest rule for online dating brush offs is to keep it simple and don’t make a fuss.